Back in Action

I guess it's about time that I start this thing back up! 


The past few months of my life have been so awesome. There have been many ups and downs, but the Lord's hand has been at work. My family has been a huge part of the roller coaster my life has seen this past year. After being released from the hospital last year, my mother remained sober for almost 6 months. This was a huge accomplishment. Over the summer, my mom, Mark, my brother and I would get to spend time together and relationships were being rebuilt. I was astonished at how much progress she had made. Halfway through my first semester this year, things started taking a turn for the worst. I began noticing her behavior was reverting back to her addict personality and I knew something wasn't right. Within a period of 3 weeks, she was back to all her old ways and so was Mark. Our relationship started going back downhill and it was really hard not to be angry with her and Mark. My brother and I spent Christmas with our grandparents and the rest of the family. After dinner with the family on Christmas night, I got a call from my neighbors/best friends that there was an ambulance at my house. Within 5 seconds, I was out the door and at my moms house. We spent the rest of the night in the hospital and the next few days. After being detoxed and receiving fluids, she was released and went home. It wasn't long until she was back at the alcohol and drugs. Within 2 weeks she had landed herself back in the hospital and this time things were not looking good. Quite frankly, her liver is pretty shot. The lifestyle she has been living will not allow her to live much longer if she continues. Those days she was in the hospital were not easy for her. The last time she was in the hospital, she was unconscious while her body was shutting down, but this go around she was awake for everything. Her experiencing all the pain and realizing what was going on has led her to where she is now. She no longer wants that horrible lifestyle. She is currently living with my grandparents while her body fully regains its strength. Once she reaches that point, she will going to a 3 month christian rehab facility in Alabama. Praise God for His faithfulness and continuous comfort through this journey. I am so proud of her for the decisions she has made and am praying that she has the strength to follow through with all that she says. But enough about the sappy family drama..


I cannot believe I am in my second year of college. It seems like yesterday that I was entering my senior year of high school! I absolutely loved my classes last semester, especially anatomy. It really reassured me that I am pursuing the right career path. I am still involved with Cure at UGA and YoungLife at Cedar Shoals High School. YoungLife has been so much fun. I love getting to hang out with the high schoolers every week and going to Sharptop Cove with them a few weekends ago was definitely a highlight of this school year. Cure at UGA has opened so many doors for me, including a 7 week internship at the hospital in Kenya this summer!!!! God has been so faithful through the entire process. I was able to meet some of the Cure International staff when I went to a conference with them in Atlanta and through an exchange of a couple of emails, I got the internship! Getting to go back to Kenya brings me so much joy. The children at the hospital are not only getting physically healed, but they get to hear about a Savior who loves them regardless of their imperfections and died so that they could spend eternity with Him. I cannot wait to be apart of this and see how the Lord plans to use me while I am over there. 


If you are interested in finding out more about Cure International, go here:

If you would like to help me get to Kenya, you can go here: 

Or checks can be made to: 

CURE International 

Memo line: Haley Sanders

Please Mail to: 
701 Bosler Avenue
Lemoyne, PA 17043

Please do not give if you do not feel compelled to. I do not write this blog because I want your money, I just want to share how the Lord is working in my life.  Thank you for reading :) 

We're not always suppose to understand.

Some things we're just not suppose to understand. I currently don't know why things have to happen like this. Why does addiction have to effect everyone? why does it have to continue to happen? why cant things change? and most importantly why does all this happen to me and joe? I don't have answers, nor do i think i will ever have answers. things may continue to spiral downwards or there may be a change in heart. I don't know. At this point in my life, i wish i could run. i wish i could run far away and pretend that everything in my life was perfect, but since its not, nor will it ever be, I must make the best of things. The Lord is teaching me a lot through everything going on. 


1. The more dependent I am upon Him, the stronger our relationship becomes. In complete honesty there are some days when i look at my life and just ask God why. some days i don't want to read my Bible and some days im frustrated, but then i think back on the time when He wasn't my main focus in life. Senior year of high school when everything started getting worse with mommy I really turned my back on God, i didn't want anything to do with church and my heart became hard towards Him. I ran. I fed my selfish desires and I was broken. My life didn't make sense, I had no purpose, i just felt lost. I don't want that ever again. I love knowing that my Father loves me and having that comfort. Nothing compares to it. Because of the situation with my mom and not having an earthly father, many times i really don't feel loved, but He gives that to me and He offers a greater love than anyone could ever offer. 


2. I am not in control of my life, He is. I don't have the ability to change what's going on. the sin in my moms life causes her to fall, the irresponsibility in her life causes her to suffer, which causes me and my family hurt and pain. I cant change that, but He has the power to. I can't focus on things that I can't change, surrendering it to him allows me freedom. It allows me to not stress and to feel some sort of relief.


3. Just thinking about the future, I WILL be an awesome parent. nothing is going to come in the way of the relationship i will have with my children. not work, not any circumstances going on in my life, nothing. I will pray with them, i will take them to church and I will teach them about my Father who has led me through everything.


4. Do not let your pride get in the way of healing. If you have a problem, seek help. Don't be ashamed of it, confide in someone and seek help. If you don't, your problem will continue to get worse. Have accountability, but NOT someone struggling with the same problem. Also keep in mind, things don't get better over night. 

• "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions." Romans 6:12
• "For sin will have NO dominion over you, since you are not under law but under GRACE. Romans 6: 14 He sets us free of sin, dont let it control you.

5. My God is Powerful. He is great. He is mighty. He is love. He is awesome. He is amazing. I could not live my life without Him.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5: 3-5

Dont miss out on an opportunity to live your life for Him. Its worth it. Dont live your life broken. His love is greater than anything imaginable and the plans He offers for your life unimaginable. 
Dont let your circumstances ruin your life. 


Check this out --> This and This

long time no talk

It has been quite a while since i've blogged and I have to say i've missed it. unfortunately with finals, Christmas and all the other things going on, my life was just too hectic to even sit down and think about blogging. My Christmas break was amazing. seriously, i am SOOO blessed with an awesome group of friends and i thank God for them daily. To have friends that love Jesus and shine His light every where they go is such a blessing. I love you all and thank you so much for being apart of my life. I am also very very blessed with my family.

This might be off topic, but i feel like i really need to write it. God's really been pressing on my heart with forgiveness and with all the has been going on with my family in the past few months, it really applies to my life. I have been holding anger and bitterness towards a few people and God has really made me struggle with that. For those who may be apart of my family or for those who know the situation, you know it is easy to have anger towards someone. For some you may hold anger towards my mom and for some you may hold anger towards Mark. We have a Savior who left Heaven, left His perfect place, to come to our level, to a place where perfect doesn't exist. to a place where temptation, pain and suffering do exist. He did this to save me and you from our sins. What we struggle to realize is that every sin is equal to another. When we sin, God doesn't care whether we commit murder or if we lie to our parents, He loves us the SAME. What God has been forcing me to apply to my life is that since my sin is equal to the sin of my mom and Mark, who am i to hold those sins against them? I can no longer hold anger and bitterness towards them because I am forgiven for all of the stupid things i do. This may not apply to you with my family situation, but it could apply to something in your life. Im here to tell you, forgiveness is powerful.

Home. Sweet. Home.

My first semester of college is officially complete. Finals are over, stress is gone and I now have one month to be with my friends, family and to relax. Today has been a good day. Coming home was great, when my roommate and I arrived in Anderson, we ate dinner with my mom, grandma and brother. Seeing my mom out of the hospital was so good, she was able to walk to me, hug me, and it was just great to see her in that condition. Tonight she told me that she really wanted to see my blog, she's heard about it and all her friends have talked to her about, but she's never read it. this makes me a little nervous, simply because this is my place to come and let everything out, so tonights post im going to be talking to her. 


Dear Mommy, 


I started this blog a while back simply to be a place where I came to share my thoughts and just write. I was writing mainly because I was going to be in Africa in a few weeks and i thought it would be neat for me to write everything down on here. Well shortly after i started writing, I found out you were in the hospital and things weren't looking good. I cannot express to you the different emotions i felt, guilt, sadness, anger. Everything you can think of. Five days after you were admitted in the hospital, I was told not to expect you to live. Your life is a complete miracle. You have been given the gift of life and God wants to use you mommy. As you begin to read the different posts you will see that i have talked a lot about things going on with you and with us. I have probably shared more than what you would want to be shared on the internet, but please hear me out on this. The things we have been through in the past month aren't normal. This is a story that people should read. This has Jesus's work all over it and for people to be able to look and see that is awesome. Your testimony has the potential to be amazing. Because of God, you fought through death. People need to hear that. That is why I have shared and why I have been so open on here. I love you so much and I literally dont know what i would do without you. I probably dont say that enough, but dont forget it. 


"When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." Acts 3:9-10


Tonight in my quiet time I read Acts 3 and 4. In Acts 3, it tells of a man who was lame from birth. When he was healed by God, people were amazed. People saw God's work through him and people became interested in what Jesus had to offer. Your story is very similar. God is using you mommy, more than you know. 


I love you.

workout, dinner and dancing with the stars.

The title pretty much sums up my day. I worked out, ate dinner with my brother, got coffee with my best friend, then went back to the hospital to watch TV with mommy and work on some homework. Today my mom got to move rooms which is a good sign. She was on a floor that required her heart to be monitored and required the nurses to keep a closer watch at all of her vital signs. Now she's on a floor that doesn't require heart monitoring and might i add her room is much nicer! Also, today during physical therapy, she sat in a chair by herself for an hour and 15 minutes. Good signs mean we're still heading in the right direction. Praise Jesus :)

Dinner with my brother was awesome. he is constantly amazing me with his faith and strength in Christ. he is so strong to be so young. Our topic over dinner was sinning. We talked about how what we see as "little sins" are really "big sins" that can easily hurt our testimony. saying no to things and not taking part in sinful activities are the little things that set Christians apart. We may look at something and say "oh its really not that bad" but in reality, it is a big deal. if we are trying to live our lifes as a Christian we cannot participate in things that make us "normal". (this is always such a hypocritical topic because of course everyone sins and every one is bound to mess up in some way, but this just really touched my heart tonight). Not participating in these things make other people step back and say hey, whats different about them? why dont they do these things that we do? It's a way for people to actively see Jesus living in you. Just a mini lesson of the night.

Also, my quiet time was once again awesome. ive been reading some in Psalms and some in John, but tonight i stuck to John. It's so awesome learning about Jesus and really getting to know Him and the life He lived. I've read these passages plenty of times but going through all this with mommy made me read it in a different light. We deserved those nails, the cross and death. He did not. No matter what we're going through in life, BE THANKFUL. We're alive and by no means do we deserve that. So, i will take these trials and even when they suck, i will try my hardest to be thankful because He took my place and saved me from a lifetime of misery. 

Im done with preaching now. I've just been fired up ever since dinner, i think i could run up to random people and just go crazy telling them about Jesus. I'm done blabbering but just a side note, im so excited that jennifer won dancing with the stars. 

Improvements are being made.

Since the last time i have posted, not much has been going on. I sit at the hospital everyday with nana and our cousin lynn, they leave and then i stay until mommy falls asleep or doesnt really need my help doing anything anymore. Last Wednesday when i got back in town mommy could not move on her own, hold anything, feed herself, or do any everyday normal function. Today she is holding her own cups, feeding herself (within moderation..she cant reach up high enough to reach the tray over her bed), moving her arms and leg more and more every time i see her, and this afternoon when i walked in Physical Therapy had her STANDING UP!!! of course they were helping hold her up, but she was STANDING!! So amazing. Tomorrow they plan on doing more with her and I cannot wait to see the many more improvements she is going to make. Seriously God has not ceased to amaze any of our family with this. My mom being alive right now is a miracle. The fact that she was alive was good enough for me, but now she's constantly regaining movement; I feel like God is sending miracles her way EVERY single day. He has over and over again proved his power to our family in these past 2 weeks. Man, my mom is going to have SUCH a testimony after this. 


"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22
You may be going through something that isn't fun to deal with, that honestly probably really sucks, but with God you will rejoice again and you will have joy. He is all we need.


Side note:


Please keep praying for the recovery of my mom. like i keep saying, she still has a long road ahead of her and I know its really not fun for her to be laid up in a hospital bed 24/7 so just keep praying for that recovery!


Also, there's a team from NewSpring in Kenya this week, be praying them up. This is the trip i was suppose to be on and i hope they are having an awesome time! Pray for their safety and pray for life change in them and the life of the Kenyans. They are doing some amazing work over there.

Back with mommy

I made my way back to Anderson this afternoon and it feels so great to be here for a week and a half. I got to the hospital around 345 this afternoon and left around 120 this morning. My mom is doing much better, however she still has a long road ahead of her. She is awake and looks 100 times better than the last time i saw her. She does not have many of her motor skills back. She can talk, but she struggles to even lift her arm or her leg. The doctors say that with time, that should heal. Her white blood count is also still a little high and she has some other health problems. They did a CAT-scan this morning on her stomach just to make sure nothing new was going on so please pray for good results for that. Please just continue to pray for her and her recovery. She has a lot to deal with right now and as her daughter, its so hard to watch this.

I hate seeing her not be able to move and function normally. It literally BREAKS my heart. Tonight she wanted to try and hold her cup and drink water on her own which ended in her spilling it on her gown, that literally tore me to shreds. It was all i could do to hold back tears. Tonight and this afternoon i fed her, helped do her hair and basically just assisted anything she needed. I HATE seeing her this way, but tonight was good. The relationship that was lost between us started to show back up tonight. It means so much to me to be able to sit with her and talk to her like the real Julie i know and not the one that ive seen for the past few years. God has His hands ALL over this. Yes, it sucks that it has to be this way, but to finally be at a point where she wants to change and she wants things to get better is enough for me. Last week, when she first went into the hospital someone said to me "what satan uses for bad, God is using for good". This is SO true. I'm not going to lie, this whole situation SUCKS, but to see God change her, change me, and start to mend my family is AMAZING. He is so good.

Please continue to pray. This is not going to be easy. Pray for her strength, mentally and physically. It's going to take a lot to conquer this. Please pray for determination. We are all going to need it because at times its probably going to seem easier to just simply give up. Continue to pray for her health, I just want to see her better again. And lastly, continue to pray that she finds joy and peace, that her relationship with Christ becomes so strong through this.

Thanks everyone so much for all the prayers and support through this. I cannot put into words how much it means to me.

Just a night in chemistry..

Well, as the title infers, im sitting in chemistry. I literally hate this chemistry class. Why would someone come up with a 630 class?!? Anyways...
I really hate being away from home. I feel like i'm missing so much with my mom. I feel like i really need to be there for everything, even though i know i dont really have to be. From what i hear she's continuing to get better and better. This is such a miracle!! To go from Friday, the doctor telling me to not expect her to make it and to today where she is talking, alert and all of her vital signs are almost back to normal. God is SO good. Please continue to pray that she will be able to get over this mindset of addiction. That's going to be her next step and its not going to be easy. 


Thank you everyone for all the prayers and all the love that my family has been receiving. words cannot express how thankful i am. 


I will be going home tomorrow and be able to have a better post on the updates with my mom!

Back in Athens

God is continuing to blow me away. I was able to get another good nights sleep and able to see a lot more of my family today. As soon as i got to the hospital this morning, i met with mommy's doctor and was informed that they had removed the respirator and she is officially breathing on her own!!!! How freakin awesome is that?!?!? Later today, my brother decided that he was going to go back and see her for the first time. As soon as he started talking to her she opened her eyes and mouthed "my baby". I really feel like her seeing my brother and hearing his voice is an awesome medicine for her. I went back in later this afternoon and was just telling her i loved her and i was about to leave for dinner. She opened her eyes, started mumbling and was able to get out "i love you" and a huge smile. God is so good. Like i said in yesterday's post, these reports are AWESOME but that is no reason to stop praying. She still has a long road ahead of her. 


Just a side note, I'm pretty sure i have the most awesome grandparents on the face of the earth. They have gone through so much and their faith is so strong. The compassion they show to others is so amazing. They are two amazing role models. 


Once again, i cannot express the work God is doing in our lives through all of this. He is so awesome and all of the praise goes to Him in this. 

"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"

-Hillsong United

We're heading in the right direction..

Today was a MUCH better day. I was able to get a good nights rest and made my way to the hospital around 10 this morning. I went into the room to see my mom and was informed that her liver enzymes have come down a lot since Friday, her lungs have cleared and looked really good on the X-ray, they've lowered the rate of her respiratory so that she is almost completely breathing on her own and they have taken her off the sedation meds and she is now waking up a little. GOD IS SO AMAZING. yesterday i was pretty much told there was no hope and today she has drastically improved. God has His hand ALL over this and I love it! Of course she still isnt cured nor is she close to being back to normal, but she's headed in the right direction and that is good enough for me. The longer she is in the hospital the better she will get. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. Prayer is truly working miracles here, the more prayer the better and just because we receive a positive report does not mean we need to stop.  

For those people who have gone through different things like this, you understand the weight of whats going on. I cannot express the joy it brought me to be able to talk to my mom and her open her eyes and look straight at me. She hears what I am saying and for her to be able to comprehend that I love her is a big deal. I have told her over and over again that she has so many people praying for her and that right now she is SO loved. Gah it gives me chills thinking about it. I look forward to going and sitting with her tomorrow, reading the bible to her and just enjoying her company. That means more to me than anything right now. 

Also, this is really off topic but i just feel like i need to put this out there. I dont really know who all reads this blog and it wasnt my intentions to put it on facebook until all this started happening with mommy. I dont know the situations any of you might be in or the lifestyle you might be living, but this goes out to you. Life is too short to live without Jesus Christ living in you. Yes, living a life of sin can be fun but i promise you having God in your life is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Surrendering your life to him, i mean giving EVERY BIT OF IT to Him will lead to the best life you could imagine. Jesus loves you, yes YOU. No matter what you've done and im stressing this, NO MATTER WHAT. Your life can be filth and HE LOVES YOU. Please dont waste you life without Him. With Him your life will reach its fullest potentials. He will fill your heart and you will experience a love unimaginable. Life goes by fast, dont live it without Him.

I really appreciate all the prayers going up for my mom. Keep praying, my God is powerful, He will work miracles and I am fully confident in that. Keep praying. 

Numb.

Today has been a very rough day. It's all really starting to hit me, the weight of everything going on that is. My mo is in critical condition. She could turn for the worst or the best at any second, everything is still up in the air. Her liver still isn't looking good but she's staying pretty stable. Nothing is getting worse right now and the longer she is there, the better they can help make her. I truly believe that God can work a miracle in this situation, it may take a while and it may be a VERY long journey ahead, but He has the power to do anything. 


I met with one of the doctors today and after talking to him, I'm no longer going to be going to being Kenya this November. He basically told me that her health is on the line and being across the world would not be a good idea. At this point, my emotions are all over the place. I love being able to see my family and i love seeing my friends that have willingly sacrificed their weekends just to spend time with me, but it sucks that it has to be these circumstances. One minute im crying, the next minute im just staring and then the next im smiling with my fam. Today has been quite a journey and it's not getting any easier. 


Please Please Please keep praying, my God can do amazing things. Whether that be His plan here, i dont know, but whatever happens is His will and there's a reason for what goes on. Do not lose hope. Keep praying and spread it to others so that they can keep praying.

Not the best day..

well waking up to a phone call telling you your mom is in bad shape isn't a great way to start the day. needless to say within minutes i was out of bed, out the door and my awesome roommate was driving me back home. To update those who are curious, my mom's liver is in bad shape, her vital signs are looking better, her liver is releasing ammonia into her body and some has gone to her brain. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. My God is a God of miracles and He has the power to turn things around, HE HAS HER IN HIS HANDS. 

This day has been spent with family, friends and God has blessed me with that. Every minute i could was spent at her bedside and i will continue to do the same. My mom and I haven't really had the best of relationships recently. I saw her for 10 minutes this past weekend and was able to tell her how much God is doing in my life and that i'm working on forgiveness with her. I was able to tell her i love her and i am so thankful for those moments spent with her. I truly believe God is not finished with her. He has plans and He can use her life. But whatever the outcome,  i will continue to praise Him. 

Like i said, please keep her in your prayers. 

Psalm 121

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from? ² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.
 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber; ⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand; ⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life; ⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.