Speechless

I started this blog last November to write about my trip to Kenya, which as many of you know was postponed because my mom was in the hospital. (i'll update on her later on) In 2 days from now i will FINALLY be on a plane to Kenya. It's still sinking in that this is actually happening. I have all my stuff together, im packing it all up this afternoon and Thursday morning, I'll be on my way. I look back to November and being very bitter and angry that I could not go to Kenya, but as the Lord has taught me over these past few months, HIS timing is much better than mine and He has a specific reason for me to be on this trip and not the trip that took place in November. I do not have words for how excited I am. I am praying for God to reveal His plan for my life while I'm there. I currently feel called to do medical missions in Africa, but I am praying for God to confirm His plans for my life. We have two teams on the trip, one team will be working in the schools with the children and the other team will be digging a trench from one school to the other that allows water to flow from the schools. Please keep all of us in your prayers for safe travel and life change. Also, be praying for the life of the Kenyans. There will be many opportunities for these people to hear the Gospel. Please pray for life change in the Kenyans and that we will leave an impact on their life.

I am not taking my computer to Kenya, but i will be writing about my experience once i get back.

Now, onto my mom. I never thought I would look at her and Mark and be happy with the situation my family is living in, but it's getting there. My family is starting to embrace Mark and love Mark, because thats what the Lord has commanded us to do to others. My mom's health is very good. She looks good and relationships are definitely being repaired. It has been a very long journey to get to this point and a very rough journey, but totally worth the outcome. Continue to be praying for them, things are not perfect, nor will they ever be, but they are heading in that direction.

Thanks to everyone for the prayer and support my family has been shown through everything and thank you for the many prayers I have received in regards to my trip. I cannot wait to come back with many stories to share!

No time on my hands!!

I have so much to blog about, but i NEVER have time anymore. Hopefully i'll be able to catch up sometime tomorrow.

I had my YoungLife interview last week and i got the call yesterday that i will officially be a YoungLife leader TOMORROW!! I am seriously so excited. i could not fall asleep last night just thinking about how blessed i am. Last summer, I went to camp with my YoungLife group from home and the Lord used that week to radically change my life. I was not living for him in my senior year of high school and when everything started to fall downhill with my mom, I continued to run from Him. After that week in Colorado, my relationship with Jesus has not been the same. He has seriously made some major changes in my life, He has given me a purpose for my life and He has changed my views on a lot of people in the last few weeks. It has been totally awesome to see how the Lord has worked in my life this year. I AM SO BLESSED. The Lord used YoungLife to radically change me and now i get an opportunity to be apart of this ministry. AHH words cannot describe my excitement.

I still have lots to tell about my mom, Mark and everything that has been going on lately. Really good things, not bad at all. The Lord has been changing my heart and the hearts of others in my family and i cannot wait to share with everyone what has been going on!

also, random fact about my life, i have started running a lot more lately and i will be running in the Cooper river bridge run this saturday! im super stoked that i can actually run 6 miles. NEVER ever thought that would happen..

Quick thought before studying and bed..

I love seeing how God has absolutely transformed me, but i what makes me even more in awe of Him, is seeing Him work through other people. It is so awesome. My God is Huge. I love it.

also, please keep praying for me and my family, God has the power to heal and transform everything. I will not underestimate Him.

We're not always suppose to understand.

Some things we're just not suppose to understand. I currently don't know why things have to happen like this. Why does addiction have to effect everyone? why does it have to continue to happen? why cant things change? and most importantly why does all this happen to me and joe? I don't have answers, nor do i think i will ever have answers. things may continue to spiral downwards or there may be a change in heart. I don't know. At this point in my life, i wish i could run. i wish i could run far away and pretend that everything in my life was perfect, but since its not, nor will it ever be, I must make the best of things. The Lord is teaching me a lot through everything going on. 


1. The more dependent I am upon Him, the stronger our relationship becomes. In complete honesty there are some days when i look at my life and just ask God why. some days i don't want to read my Bible and some days im frustrated, but then i think back on the time when He wasn't my main focus in life. Senior year of high school when everything started getting worse with mommy I really turned my back on God, i didn't want anything to do with church and my heart became hard towards Him. I ran. I fed my selfish desires and I was broken. My life didn't make sense, I had no purpose, i just felt lost. I don't want that ever again. I love knowing that my Father loves me and having that comfort. Nothing compares to it. Because of the situation with my mom and not having an earthly father, many times i really don't feel loved, but He gives that to me and He offers a greater love than anyone could ever offer. 


2. I am not in control of my life, He is. I don't have the ability to change what's going on. the sin in my moms life causes her to fall, the irresponsibility in her life causes her to suffer, which causes me and my family hurt and pain. I cant change that, but He has the power to. I can't focus on things that I can't change, surrendering it to him allows me freedom. It allows me to not stress and to feel some sort of relief.


3. Just thinking about the future, I WILL be an awesome parent. nothing is going to come in the way of the relationship i will have with my children. not work, not any circumstances going on in my life, nothing. I will pray with them, i will take them to church and I will teach them about my Father who has led me through everything.


4. Do not let your pride get in the way of healing. If you have a problem, seek help. Don't be ashamed of it, confide in someone and seek help. If you don't, your problem will continue to get worse. Have accountability, but NOT someone struggling with the same problem. Also keep in mind, things don't get better over night. 

• "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions." Romans 6:12
• "For sin will have NO dominion over you, since you are not under law but under GRACE. Romans 6: 14 He sets us free of sin, dont let it control you.

5. My God is Powerful. He is great. He is mighty. He is love. He is awesome. He is amazing. I could not live my life without Him.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5: 3-5

Dont miss out on an opportunity to live your life for Him. Its worth it. Dont live your life broken. His love is greater than anything imaginable and the plans He offers for your life unimaginable. 
Dont let your circumstances ruin your life. 


Check this out --> This and This

long time no talk

It has been quite a while since i've blogged and I have to say i've missed it. unfortunately with finals, Christmas and all the other things going on, my life was just too hectic to even sit down and think about blogging. My Christmas break was amazing. seriously, i am SOOO blessed with an awesome group of friends and i thank God for them daily. To have friends that love Jesus and shine His light every where they go is such a blessing. I love you all and thank you so much for being apart of my life. I am also very very blessed with my family.

This might be off topic, but i feel like i really need to write it. God's really been pressing on my heart with forgiveness and with all the has been going on with my family in the past few months, it really applies to my life. I have been holding anger and bitterness towards a few people and God has really made me struggle with that. For those who may be apart of my family or for those who know the situation, you know it is easy to have anger towards someone. For some you may hold anger towards my mom and for some you may hold anger towards Mark. We have a Savior who left Heaven, left His perfect place, to come to our level, to a place where perfect doesn't exist. to a place where temptation, pain and suffering do exist. He did this to save me and you from our sins. What we struggle to realize is that every sin is equal to another. When we sin, God doesn't care whether we commit murder or if we lie to our parents, He loves us the SAME. What God has been forcing me to apply to my life is that since my sin is equal to the sin of my mom and Mark, who am i to hold those sins against them? I can no longer hold anger and bitterness towards them because I am forgiven for all of the stupid things i do. This may not apply to you with my family situation, but it could apply to something in your life. Im here to tell you, forgiveness is powerful.

Home. Sweet. Home.

My first semester of college is officially complete. Finals are over, stress is gone and I now have one month to be with my friends, family and to relax. Today has been a good day. Coming home was great, when my roommate and I arrived in Anderson, we ate dinner with my mom, grandma and brother. Seeing my mom out of the hospital was so good, she was able to walk to me, hug me, and it was just great to see her in that condition. Tonight she told me that she really wanted to see my blog, she's heard about it and all her friends have talked to her about, but she's never read it. this makes me a little nervous, simply because this is my place to come and let everything out, so tonights post im going to be talking to her. 


Dear Mommy, 


I started this blog a while back simply to be a place where I came to share my thoughts and just write. I was writing mainly because I was going to be in Africa in a few weeks and i thought it would be neat for me to write everything down on here. Well shortly after i started writing, I found out you were in the hospital and things weren't looking good. I cannot express to you the different emotions i felt, guilt, sadness, anger. Everything you can think of. Five days after you were admitted in the hospital, I was told not to expect you to live. Your life is a complete miracle. You have been given the gift of life and God wants to use you mommy. As you begin to read the different posts you will see that i have talked a lot about things going on with you and with us. I have probably shared more than what you would want to be shared on the internet, but please hear me out on this. The things we have been through in the past month aren't normal. This is a story that people should read. This has Jesus's work all over it and for people to be able to look and see that is awesome. Your testimony has the potential to be amazing. Because of God, you fought through death. People need to hear that. That is why I have shared and why I have been so open on here. I love you so much and I literally dont know what i would do without you. I probably dont say that enough, but dont forget it. 


"When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." Acts 3:9-10


Tonight in my quiet time I read Acts 3 and 4. In Acts 3, it tells of a man who was lame from birth. When he was healed by God, people were amazed. People saw God's work through him and people became interested in what Jesus had to offer. Your story is very similar. God is using you mommy, more than you know. 


I love you.

I'm beginning to love change.

It's been a while since i've been posting, school literally takes over my life when i'm here. Over the past few weeks i've just been beginning to notice the life change i have experienced. It's amazing to look back and see the difference in the lifestyle i want to live. God is the only reason that is happening. I am just so thankful for the different things He is doing in my life.


For anyone who hasn't been updated: my mom is out of the hospital and back and home. She is still struggling to walk and having to use a walker, but she's home and functioning. Miracles are possible and God will not fail you. This is just one example of how He has blown my mind in the past few months. Prayers please for her mindset. Addiction is a sickness, its something that anyone can struggle with and it's something that is very hard to over come. I continue to pray daily for her to just pull through this and find the strength to get to the brighter side of things. It's going to be tough for her. Satan is surrounding her life and trying to make it easier and easier for her to fall back into things, but God is going to pull her through this. He has the power to do anything, she just has to be willing. 


Also, please pray for me. I hate being away from home, but honestly the thought of having to go home for Christmas break and to deal with everything thats going on there stresses me out to the max. I like being at school where everything seems to be normal and seems to be okay. being away is a good break, but going home can be insane. 


Other things that have happened, me and my roommate started looking for apartments for next year!! so exciting, i feel so old. It's going to be nice to have our own place and not a 10X10 square with furniture in it. 


I dont think things could get any better right now, I've had an awesome weekend, I'm blessed with some amazing people in my life and in 4 days i will be done with finals. SUCCESS.