school..ugh.

Welp, back at school and studying my brains out for Chemistry, this blog is my little break. I came bath to Athens on Sunday and my mom is still improving. God is constantly and steadily  working in our lives. He may not be seen as much in the little things, but He is definitely still there and fighting for us. 


Yesterday my small group leader from high school text me and reminded me, don't be too strong for the Lord, he has this all in His hands and that being upset, tired, mad, etc is okay because HE wants to be my strength. I constantly feel like i'm putting on a front for some of my family and it was so good to be reminded that God obviously doesn't need a front because He knows everything and I don't have too pretend. My weakness is just a way for me to continue to build my life on Him and become stronger in my walk with Christ. 


Just a verse to share:
"Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God."  John 21:18-19


I really felt like this verse pretty much sums up everything I have been going through. We will be lead into places we do not want to go, but they are for God's glory and we must not forget that.


A quick confession, i've just been feeling really down lately. I guess with all thats been going on I'm just mentally and physically exhausted and i really dont feel like i've been myself in these past few days. I hate it. In the back of my mind i find myself wishing for everything to be back to the way they were years ago, before everything started going insane, but i know this is where i need to be. I know this could be a turning point for my family, so i just keep praying for everything to work out. God's got this.

workout, dinner and dancing with the stars.

The title pretty much sums up my day. I worked out, ate dinner with my brother, got coffee with my best friend, then went back to the hospital to watch TV with mommy and work on some homework. Today my mom got to move rooms which is a good sign. She was on a floor that required her heart to be monitored and required the nurses to keep a closer watch at all of her vital signs. Now she's on a floor that doesn't require heart monitoring and might i add her room is much nicer! Also, today during physical therapy, she sat in a chair by herself for an hour and 15 minutes. Good signs mean we're still heading in the right direction. Praise Jesus :)

Dinner with my brother was awesome. he is constantly amazing me with his faith and strength in Christ. he is so strong to be so young. Our topic over dinner was sinning. We talked about how what we see as "little sins" are really "big sins" that can easily hurt our testimony. saying no to things and not taking part in sinful activities are the little things that set Christians apart. We may look at something and say "oh its really not that bad" but in reality, it is a big deal. if we are trying to live our lifes as a Christian we cannot participate in things that make us "normal". (this is always such a hypocritical topic because of course everyone sins and every one is bound to mess up in some way, but this just really touched my heart tonight). Not participating in these things make other people step back and say hey, whats different about them? why dont they do these things that we do? It's a way for people to actively see Jesus living in you. Just a mini lesson of the night.

Also, my quiet time was once again awesome. ive been reading some in Psalms and some in John, but tonight i stuck to John. It's so awesome learning about Jesus and really getting to know Him and the life He lived. I've read these passages plenty of times but going through all this with mommy made me read it in a different light. We deserved those nails, the cross and death. He did not. No matter what we're going through in life, BE THANKFUL. We're alive and by no means do we deserve that. So, i will take these trials and even when they suck, i will try my hardest to be thankful because He took my place and saved me from a lifetime of misery. 

Im done with preaching now. I've just been fired up ever since dinner, i think i could run up to random people and just go crazy telling them about Jesus. I'm done blabbering but just a side note, im so excited that jennifer won dancing with the stars. 

Improvements are being made.

Since the last time i have posted, not much has been going on. I sit at the hospital everyday with nana and our cousin lynn, they leave and then i stay until mommy falls asleep or doesnt really need my help doing anything anymore. Last Wednesday when i got back in town mommy could not move on her own, hold anything, feed herself, or do any everyday normal function. Today she is holding her own cups, feeding herself (within moderation..she cant reach up high enough to reach the tray over her bed), moving her arms and leg more and more every time i see her, and this afternoon when i walked in Physical Therapy had her STANDING UP!!! of course they were helping hold her up, but she was STANDING!! So amazing. Tomorrow they plan on doing more with her and I cannot wait to see the many more improvements she is going to make. Seriously God has not ceased to amaze any of our family with this. My mom being alive right now is a miracle. The fact that she was alive was good enough for me, but now she's constantly regaining movement; I feel like God is sending miracles her way EVERY single day. He has over and over again proved his power to our family in these past 2 weeks. Man, my mom is going to have SUCH a testimony after this. 


"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22
You may be going through something that isn't fun to deal with, that honestly probably really sucks, but with God you will rejoice again and you will have joy. He is all we need.


Side note:


Please keep praying for the recovery of my mom. like i keep saying, she still has a long road ahead of her and I know its really not fun for her to be laid up in a hospital bed 24/7 so just keep praying for that recovery!


Also, there's a team from NewSpring in Kenya this week, be praying them up. This is the trip i was suppose to be on and i hope they are having an awesome time! Pray for their safety and pray for life change in them and the life of the Kenyans. They are doing some amazing work over there.

Back with mommy

I made my way back to Anderson this afternoon and it feels so great to be here for a week and a half. I got to the hospital around 345 this afternoon and left around 120 this morning. My mom is doing much better, however she still has a long road ahead of her. She is awake and looks 100 times better than the last time i saw her. She does not have many of her motor skills back. She can talk, but she struggles to even lift her arm or her leg. The doctors say that with time, that should heal. Her white blood count is also still a little high and she has some other health problems. They did a CAT-scan this morning on her stomach just to make sure nothing new was going on so please pray for good results for that. Please just continue to pray for her and her recovery. She has a lot to deal with right now and as her daughter, its so hard to watch this.

I hate seeing her not be able to move and function normally. It literally BREAKS my heart. Tonight she wanted to try and hold her cup and drink water on her own which ended in her spilling it on her gown, that literally tore me to shreds. It was all i could do to hold back tears. Tonight and this afternoon i fed her, helped do her hair and basically just assisted anything she needed. I HATE seeing her this way, but tonight was good. The relationship that was lost between us started to show back up tonight. It means so much to me to be able to sit with her and talk to her like the real Julie i know and not the one that ive seen for the past few years. God has His hands ALL over this. Yes, it sucks that it has to be this way, but to finally be at a point where she wants to change and she wants things to get better is enough for me. Last week, when she first went into the hospital someone said to me "what satan uses for bad, God is using for good". This is SO true. I'm not going to lie, this whole situation SUCKS, but to see God change her, change me, and start to mend my family is AMAZING. He is so good.

Please continue to pray. This is not going to be easy. Pray for her strength, mentally and physically. It's going to take a lot to conquer this. Please pray for determination. We are all going to need it because at times its probably going to seem easier to just simply give up. Continue to pray for her health, I just want to see her better again. And lastly, continue to pray that she finds joy and peace, that her relationship with Christ becomes so strong through this.

Thanks everyone so much for all the prayers and support through this. I cannot put into words how much it means to me.

Just a night in chemistry..

Well, as the title infers, im sitting in chemistry. I literally hate this chemistry class. Why would someone come up with a 630 class?!? Anyways...
I really hate being away from home. I feel like i'm missing so much with my mom. I feel like i really need to be there for everything, even though i know i dont really have to be. From what i hear she's continuing to get better and better. This is such a miracle!! To go from Friday, the doctor telling me to not expect her to make it and to today where she is talking, alert and all of her vital signs are almost back to normal. God is SO good. Please continue to pray that she will be able to get over this mindset of addiction. That's going to be her next step and its not going to be easy. 


Thank you everyone for all the prayers and all the love that my family has been receiving. words cannot express how thankful i am. 


I will be going home tomorrow and be able to have a better post on the updates with my mom!

Back in Athens

God is continuing to blow me away. I was able to get another good nights sleep and able to see a lot more of my family today. As soon as i got to the hospital this morning, i met with mommy's doctor and was informed that they had removed the respirator and she is officially breathing on her own!!!! How freakin awesome is that?!?!? Later today, my brother decided that he was going to go back and see her for the first time. As soon as he started talking to her she opened her eyes and mouthed "my baby". I really feel like her seeing my brother and hearing his voice is an awesome medicine for her. I went back in later this afternoon and was just telling her i loved her and i was about to leave for dinner. She opened her eyes, started mumbling and was able to get out "i love you" and a huge smile. God is so good. Like i said in yesterday's post, these reports are AWESOME but that is no reason to stop praying. She still has a long road ahead of her. 


Just a side note, I'm pretty sure i have the most awesome grandparents on the face of the earth. They have gone through so much and their faith is so strong. The compassion they show to others is so amazing. They are two amazing role models. 


Once again, i cannot express the work God is doing in our lives through all of this. He is so awesome and all of the praise goes to Him in this. 

"I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king"

-Hillsong United

We're heading in the right direction..

Today was a MUCH better day. I was able to get a good nights rest and made my way to the hospital around 10 this morning. I went into the room to see my mom and was informed that her liver enzymes have come down a lot since Friday, her lungs have cleared and looked really good on the X-ray, they've lowered the rate of her respiratory so that she is almost completely breathing on her own and they have taken her off the sedation meds and she is now waking up a little. GOD IS SO AMAZING. yesterday i was pretty much told there was no hope and today she has drastically improved. God has His hand ALL over this and I love it! Of course she still isnt cured nor is she close to being back to normal, but she's headed in the right direction and that is good enough for me. The longer she is in the hospital the better she will get. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. Prayer is truly working miracles here, the more prayer the better and just because we receive a positive report does not mean we need to stop.  

For those people who have gone through different things like this, you understand the weight of whats going on. I cannot express the joy it brought me to be able to talk to my mom and her open her eyes and look straight at me. She hears what I am saying and for her to be able to comprehend that I love her is a big deal. I have told her over and over again that she has so many people praying for her and that right now she is SO loved. Gah it gives me chills thinking about it. I look forward to going and sitting with her tomorrow, reading the bible to her and just enjoying her company. That means more to me than anything right now. 

Also, this is really off topic but i just feel like i need to put this out there. I dont really know who all reads this blog and it wasnt my intentions to put it on facebook until all this started happening with mommy. I dont know the situations any of you might be in or the lifestyle you might be living, but this goes out to you. Life is too short to live without Jesus Christ living in you. Yes, living a life of sin can be fun but i promise you having God in your life is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Surrendering your life to him, i mean giving EVERY BIT OF IT to Him will lead to the best life you could imagine. Jesus loves you, yes YOU. No matter what you've done and im stressing this, NO MATTER WHAT. Your life can be filth and HE LOVES YOU. Please dont waste you life without Him. With Him your life will reach its fullest potentials. He will fill your heart and you will experience a love unimaginable. Life goes by fast, dont live it without Him.

I really appreciate all the prayers going up for my mom. Keep praying, my God is powerful, He will work miracles and I am fully confident in that. Keep praying. 

Numb.

Today has been a very rough day. It's all really starting to hit me, the weight of everything going on that is. My mo is in critical condition. She could turn for the worst or the best at any second, everything is still up in the air. Her liver still isn't looking good but she's staying pretty stable. Nothing is getting worse right now and the longer she is there, the better they can help make her. I truly believe that God can work a miracle in this situation, it may take a while and it may be a VERY long journey ahead, but He has the power to do anything. 


I met with one of the doctors today and after talking to him, I'm no longer going to be going to being Kenya this November. He basically told me that her health is on the line and being across the world would not be a good idea. At this point, my emotions are all over the place. I love being able to see my family and i love seeing my friends that have willingly sacrificed their weekends just to spend time with me, but it sucks that it has to be these circumstances. One minute im crying, the next minute im just staring and then the next im smiling with my fam. Today has been quite a journey and it's not getting any easier. 


Please Please Please keep praying, my God can do amazing things. Whether that be His plan here, i dont know, but whatever happens is His will and there's a reason for what goes on. Do not lose hope. Keep praying and spread it to others so that they can keep praying.

Not the best day..

well waking up to a phone call telling you your mom is in bad shape isn't a great way to start the day. needless to say within minutes i was out of bed, out the door and my awesome roommate was driving me back home. To update those who are curious, my mom's liver is in bad shape, her vital signs are looking better, her liver is releasing ammonia into her body and some has gone to her brain. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. My God is a God of miracles and He has the power to turn things around, HE HAS HER IN HIS HANDS. 

This day has been spent with family, friends and God has blessed me with that. Every minute i could was spent at her bedside and i will continue to do the same. My mom and I haven't really had the best of relationships recently. I saw her for 10 minutes this past weekend and was able to tell her how much God is doing in my life and that i'm working on forgiveness with her. I was able to tell her i love her and i am so thankful for those moments spent with her. I truly believe God is not finished with her. He has plans and He can use her life. But whatever the outcome,  i will continue to praise Him. 

Like i said, please keep her in your prayers. 

Psalm 121

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from? ² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.
 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber; ⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand; ⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life; ⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.

Why do these types of things happen?

This week started off awesome. My grandmother, nana called to inform me that one of my distant cousins donated money towards my trip to Africa and they also wanted to support me in my college education and are sending me a scholarship to help with tuition. God is continuing to open my eyes and bless me.
However, yesterday I found out that my mom is back in the hospital. Prayers are very much needed. It really sucks being at UGA and not being able to drive up to the hospital and figure out what is going on. I've been getting multiple different stories from everyone and I still have no idea what the full story is. I feel horrible for not being able to go home and support my family during a time like this, but from what everyone has been saying things are looking on the better side. 
PLEASE KEEP HER IN YOUR PRAYERS.


On a lighter note, Africa is almost one week away. SOOOO EXCITED!! 
My next week will be super hectic, packed with a chemistry exam, a history paper, and a swahili project. talk about thrilling. 


There's not much else to say in this post, but please keep my family in your prayers!!

A day at home

It was nice to be home today. last night I had my meeting about the Kenya trip and then i spent the evening shopping for the trip. I dont really know why, but right now i am on a roller coaster of emotions when thinking about this trip. I am already dreading the day we have to leave the villages, the thought breaks my heart. I know God has amazing things planned for this trip and i am so stoked to see what God is going to do in us and through us.

Today, I was able to see my family which was very nice. I am so thankful for my grandparents. literally, joe, my brother and i would not be able to live without them. Long story short, we moved in with them this past year. Our dad passed away when I was 11 and our mom is an alcoholic. We are so blessed to have a family that cares as much as they do. The love we are shown by them is so amazing. My grandmother on my dads side has worked her butt off in helping me raise money for the trip and today she informed me that one of our other relatives is now promising me a scholarship for my next 3 years of college. God is blessing me in so many ways.

The song, Blessed Be Your Name has been on my mind literally all day. "you give and take away, you give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name". God is good. Yes, he does take away and no it is not easy to deal with, but God is our Father. He is here with us FOREVER. We may not realize it now and it may be something we never understand, but in the big picture, His plan for us is so much bigger than we could ever imagine. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my father and there is not a day that goes by that i dont wish my mom could just be clean and that my brother and I could be back in the same house with her; but everyday i see the way God is changing and shaping me into the daughter of Christ that i need to be. My faith in Him and my love for Him have dramatically increased. Even when i dont have a father here on earth and even when i cant talk to or see my mom, I have a heavenly Father whos love for me is NEVER FAILING. that is all i need. 

I'm really not good at this blog thing, but here goes nothin..

Like i said, im really not good at this blog thing. I'm definitely a beginner, but at least im trying. to be honest im not really even sure why im starting this, nor do i even know if i will keep it up, but for right now it seems like a good idea. 


So..over the past few months i've been adjusting to the lifestyles of a college student, minimal amounts of sleep, dinner: cafeteria style, and not to mention the amazing luxury of the lofted, x-long twin sized beds. It has been quite an experience. Moving away from Anderson to a different state has been strange. Only knowing one other person from the start was a challenge, but it is absolutely amazing to see how God has been shaping my life through this experience. Starting off, i didnt have many friends. There were people i saw everyday and could say "hey" to, but no one there to be a best friend (like someone i could run and talk to about anything and everything), just simply acquaintances. this situation gave me a chance to FULLY rely on God. He has become my best friend. He has become the person I can run and tell everything to. He has become my passion. 


Around a year and a half ago, I applied to go on a trip to Africa with NewSpring Community Church in Anderson. A few months later, i was accepted to go on a trip and the dates of November 17-27, 2010 were set. THIS IS SOON. Literally one week from today I will be in Nairobi, Kenya. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE MY EXCITEMENT. This past week has been full of emotions. I found out on Tuesday that i will get to meet the child that i sponsor, an amazing opportunity in itself, along with serving hundreds of Kenyans and teaching them about the love of Jesus Christ. The passion that God has set in my heart for Africa is unbelievable and i cannot begin to express to you my excitement about this trip. Please pray that we will have a safe journey (17 hours on a plane is a long time). Please pray for the hearts of all of us that will be on the trip. Pray that God would work in everyone's life, the Kenyans, us as the servers, even the people with 410Bridge. Pray that we see life change. God is unstoppable and anything is possible with Him. I pray that we fully experience His power on this trip and i pray that His light will shine through us in ways we never even thought possible. This trip will be a starting block of my future. This could be where God tells me to be, i pray for clarity from Him. My life is His.